The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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