You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
