1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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