Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
