My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Randomize