I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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