i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Randomize
