my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
Randomize
