looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
Randomize