my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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