about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
