Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
