Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Non-Jews are for practice
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
