i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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