I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
