Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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