I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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