We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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