I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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