life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
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