Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
