do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Michael Bay diarrhea
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
