I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
