Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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