god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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