she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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