my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
