I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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