If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I did not marry a roomba.
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