shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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