this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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