You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
