I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Randomize
