sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
