You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
I'm bleeding and have questions
You know that panicky moment when you go home with a guy and realize you’ve been there before?!? HAPPENING RIGHT NOW!!!
Turns out I banged his son a few months ago but the kids back at college so I don’t have to worry about him walking in while Dad has me bent over the couch
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