Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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