he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
You had salsa out and brought a banana on a plate to bed
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
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