And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
Randomize
