goodnight i made you a song goodbye
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
