some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
