girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Randomize
