I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She announced her abortion via fbk
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
