I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Please don't give away my fajitas
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
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