I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
I need to calm my uterus...
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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