An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
