At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
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