he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Randomize
