Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
