after a month anything with tits is on the radar
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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