so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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