Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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