In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I'm getting married
To pizza
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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