Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize