i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
