we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
You are a genius and a whore.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
