put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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