my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
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