2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
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