I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
this beer tastes like vomit already
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
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