Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
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