why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The uberlube is also flammable
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Help me help you realize you are a moron
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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