Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
