Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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