You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
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