In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
