did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
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