you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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