I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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